Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
