Do you still have your period?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
being pregnant is like rehab
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
