I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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