When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
