jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
