Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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