Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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