Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize