come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need to stop coming to work sober
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
