dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
