I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
