I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Still dying that you shit outside
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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