woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
