And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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