please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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