you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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