if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize