Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The air taste purple.
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