trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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