If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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