dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so let's talk penis.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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