Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
