Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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