Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
