do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
