He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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