How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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