i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize