finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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