Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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