I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
