True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
