It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bring me that man meat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize