No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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