im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
God, you're like boner-b-gone
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
