Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar

(651): View more from Minnesota

If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

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(512): View more from Texas

Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.

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(812): View more from Indiana

They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"

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(302): View more from Delaware

Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.

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