I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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