@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
