i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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