everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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