Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
