i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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