I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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