Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
