I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
