If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize