There is no way he is gay with that hair.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
