We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
