..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
