a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
