small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
