the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
