just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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