I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
