Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
