Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
