Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
