Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
