Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
