I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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