I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
