textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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