So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
