I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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