So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
