We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just gift wrapped bread.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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