wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
